Defiance, Cooperation & Helping Children Soften Defences

Suitable for child care providers, child care workforce, and parents.

Presenter: Colleen Drobot

You’re Not the Boss of Me: Understanding Defiant Behaviour and Cultivating Cooperation

A common dynamic that is often frustrating to parents, teachers and caregivers and potentially erodes the adult/child relationship is when a child balks and defies us. It can be as subtle as ignoring our requests or as blatant as telling us "You're not the boss of me!" When we ask them to clean up, get ready for a transition, come to the table, be kind to their peers, hurry up...we may be met with a "No!" or they may in fact do the opposite. Developmental psychologist, Dr. Gordon Neufeld describes this oppositional behaviour as counterwill. Although the reaction is quite normal and even healthy in certain circumstances, its manifestations and impact can be highly disruptive, making life difficult for parents and teachers. Colleen will discuss the meaning of this deep-rooted instinct and the dynamics that control its existence and expression. She will provide strategies to help adults reduce the effects of oppositional behaviour and deepen attachment and cooperation with children.

Softening the Defenses: Helping children face vulnerability and gain resilience

For a child to develop emotionally and to mature, it is essential for a child’s heart to remain soft, for emotions to be felt and expressed, and for tears of futility to be. For anyone raising or caring for a child who is very sensitive or is stuck, softening the defenses the brain has erected for protection, can be a daunting task that sometimes seems almost impossible. This presentation will focus on ways we can soften a child’s heart so that the tears can be restored, lowering frustration and anxiety and cultivating resilience. As a therapist and parent, Colleen will share theories and practical strategies of how to restore the ability for a child to feel, attend, grieve and attach.

Join us 8:30-9:00am for light refreshments

Colleen Drobot is a registered professional counsellor with a private practice. She provides therapy for adults and also offers parent consulting using a developmental, attachment-based approach. She also works with school districts and other professionals to help make sense of children and adolescents. She is an educator with over 20 years of experience working with children in the regular classroom or in special needs settings. She is an adjunct faculty member of the Neufeld Institute.